First 100 Days Ear Plug Mandate (and Womandate)
Friends, Romans, Countrymen and Countrywomen of course, do cover your ears (after this brief public service message):
It is not by compulsion or coercion, and certainly not by force or violence, but by the dulcet tones and unassailable logos of my rhetoric that I implore you–for your health and sanity–to don ear plugs for the next (at least) 100 days.
In covering your ears, you might possess the only means of prevention from the following assaults on logic, sensibility, authenticity and prudence that are sure to rain upon you.
Beware if you hear the even faint tones of the following:
- incoherent, sentence-fragment laced speeches filled with ahistorical nonsense
- platitudes abounding like “bringing unity and decency back”
- vague, out-of-context references to the actual great minds of Christendom by a pseudo-Catholic, embarrassingly uninformed president
- more car horns
- reminders of how the previous president was a fascist and how just by the last election’s “results”, democracy has triumphed and fascism has been defeated while the capital is under martial law
- nauseating, even vomit inducing references to the establishment’s buildings and procedures as being “sacred” and “solemn”. Cathedral indeed; only God is no where to be found.
- vice-presidential cackling
- Chris Wallace’s moans as he goes perpendicular in front of any and all of his political betters. Does he realize that Thomas Jefferson and Grover Cleveland gave inaugural addresses well before advanced senility set in? That speech today could have been written by an eighth grader through the dictation of a drunk monkey, yet Wallace called it the greatest inaugural address in history?!
- ironic silence on what John Kenneth Galbraith called “the bezzle”: you know, how big corporate America aligns with bigger government agencies to ensure the bilking of the middle class and poor. Today’s bezzle features lockdowns that crush small competitor opposition and approaching minimum wage increases that are all intended, of course, to help the little guy while he is strangled.
- more pleas to “unify”, which should always be heard as “submit”, while deeming roughly half of the country as white supremacists and domestic terrorists
In the absence of quality noise eliminating plugs, one might resort to praying to the Almighty for tinnitus. I have been fortunate enough not to have ever contracted what I have learned from others is a painful and vexatious condition, but just ponder the alternative.
Pacem in surditate.
