Kingpin Economic Justice

Hard to believe it has been 25 years since the Farrelly Brothers’ comedy Kingpin graced the screen.

In a fit of nostalgia for some 90s laughs, I watched it last week. Most of it was still funny. As expected, everything that Bill Murray did and said within that movie as antagonist extraordinaire, “Big Ern” McCraken, is classic.

One scene that I had forgotten about through the decades was the coffee crime plot in which Roy Munson (Woody Harrelson) seemingly rescues his landlady’s purse from a would-be robber.

Overly grateful, the landlady grants Roy an extension and maybe even forgiveness of his overdue rent.

The following scene reveals the would be robber in Munson’s apartment. The two bicker over how much the play-thief ought to get as part of their clear scheme to dupe the landlady, then whether reading a shampoo bottle instead of an actual newspaper will be enough to induce the robber’s impending bowel movement.

In walks the landlady–vodka in hand, a flower in her greasy hair–ready to really “thank” Roy for his courageous act.

There the plot unravels, so instead of a trip to the latrine, Munson acts unawares, scalds his accomplice in the face again (this time with really hot coffee), and tries to save his own face.

Unfortunately for Roy, the landlady doesn’t buy it, but with her libido still unchecked, she’ll extract an even greater ransom from her tenant. Roy gets really “munsoned” here. If you’ve seen the movie, you know what I mean.

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I don’t watch presidential speeches anymore, especially State of the Union-lite addresses. It’s a decision made in favor of mental health. Set aside the insipid nods and exhausting applause peppered throughout the talks. Disregard as best you can the network cameras focusing in when the criminal-in-chief is about to make a supposedly salient point. It’s all bullshit theater and bad bullshit theater at that.

But, from what I gathered from trusted second-hand sources and the rambling, nonsense of the actual text, I could not help but think of the Kingpin coffee/robbery scene.

A major theme of the address was that Congress and President Biden are going to go after big corporations and the uber-wealthy to ensure that they “pay their fair share”. Fair share. So to summarize: the federal government spent a year needlessly destroying entrepreneurs, professionals, small businesses, and their employees’ savings to the windfall benefit of Amazon, Facebook, Google, and other large caps. Large corporations are not hurting. Criminal government lockdowns eliminated their competition for them in the most blatant coopting of the state by corporations in American history. Now, Biden et al. promise to slightly reduce that windfall and redistribute the wealth (but never the market share) the government created for the already well-heeled. The rest of us in the end: all we do is get heeled.

The gall then of the smug, progressive “we’re here for the little guy” position: It’s just nauseating. They steal and plunder. Then they play the role of altruistic benefactor. And, sadly, too many sheep out there among us are happy to carry on, wearing a mask alone in a car, and even be appreciative of the plot and plunder.

We are the heeled, the scalded man. Always munsoned. Say no thanks.