Pot Legal in Illinois–God Save the Right; Other Not-So-Lit State Laws

Glad it’s legal, but did all these people not have access to it before?!

Q: A blunt and a blintz then for you Governor?

Gov. Pritzker: Why, yes! I’ll have the double order. I sure hope that these dopes in Illinois don’t pay attention to the inordinate taxes I’m taking out from sanctioned pot now. I’ll tell them it’s all going to fund state pensions and the prisons, I mean schools, I mean prisons: HA! Six in one hand… Tomato… Oh–you don’t have any meatball pot, do you?!

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Isn’t it amazing how government first becomes aware of some money-making practice of poor, marginalized communities (in American history, it has been the lottery, distilling, pot; in European history it has almost always been about guns, sex and tax evasion), then makes the practice illegal, monopolizes it in the public sphere, then legalizes it again?!

I mean people–enjoy your Pineapple Express but know that we’ve been on and are still chained passengers to a state-express to the gulag archipelago. Sure, the waters in between the islands might be bong but shark infested too.

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Give “Tons-Of-No-Fun” credit where credit is due, though. Not only did Pritzker get a pot legalization bill through the Illinois General Assembly (N.B. We are special here–we don’t have a state legislature. We call it a ‘General Assembly’… ‘Special’ meaning short-bus-special…), but he also pardoned about 11,000 petty drug offenders. Long overdue.

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It still sucks to live here. And, as much as Illinois remains a mini-Cuba, a tiny Venezuela. Well, at least when it implodes, we’ll all have a contact high.

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Other state laws and measures for 2020 are not so enlightened. Texas (of all places) is socializing medical costs. The Colorado legislature is trashing the second amendment. But, California takes the (space) cake.

New laws and red tape designed to strangle Lyft and Uber, measures that essentially outlaw private contractors (of course, Sacramento exempts itself from said regulations) are casting a wide noose. Trucking, construction, energy, health care providers and communication sectors will be lobbying ever more assiduously to get loop-holed.

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That lady with the sign and J-O-F-A’s (Jeans Over Fat Ass) has to be a Pritzker, right?

Ma’am, did you ever even ponder:

1. Since when is a ride share app entitled to give you a “living wage”?
2. What the hell is a “living wage”?
3. Where else, when else in human history, would you get paid for driving around in your car while all of the actual hard work (and risk) is assumed by some company?
4. Why do I still work for Uber?
5. Is it true that 9 out of 10 people in the world would kick my grandma-jeaned ass just to have a shot at owning a car and driving for Lyft?

Answers: 1. Never. 2. Entirely relative and when not relative, imaginary. 3. Nowhere. No-when. 4. Things that make you go hmmm. 5. YES!